20 Reasons I’m a Terrible Blogger

I posted the other day about blogger clichés that I’m majorly guilty of. Writing that post got me thinking about those blogger staples that I just don’t do at all. This post is of course totally tongue in cheek; I definitely don’t think you need to do these things to be a ‘proper blogger’. That said, here’s why  I should hand in my blogger card.

Mirror Selfie

  1. I don’t like pumpkin spice lattes. Or pumpkin spice anything, actually. Yuck.
  2. Instead of peonies, copper homeware and gently flickering candles, my flat is instead largely decorated with Lego figures, Sonic Screwdrivers and Storm Trooper toys. I’m a geek first, and a blogger second, apparently.
  3. I hardly ever have my nails painted, and when I do, I totally can’t take nice photos of them. Seriously, how are you all doing that? Mine always look a blurred mess.
  4. I don’t have a photographer/web designer for a boyfriend. Please blame the standard WordPress template and less than expert photography on this fact. Applications in the comments please.
  5. I never think about my Instagram grid. No theme, no careful arranging…I just post. My Instagram is a jumble of standard blogger pictures of coffee and brunch, and mad cosplay pictures. Sorry about that.
  6. I don’t own a signal product by Benefit, Liz Earle or Urban Decay. Not even the free Benefit stuff that comes free with Glamour magazine sometimes.
  7. Instead of going out for brunch/cocktails/brand preview days, I can usually be found at home in my pyjamas, watching Netflix and trying to get my unread posts on Bloglovin’ under control.
  8. I don’t have a blog schedule. I do pre-write and schedule some posts, but never more than a few days in advance. I don’t think I’ll ever be that organised blogger with a whole editorial calendar mapped out.
  9. I don’t own a tablet, or even a nice laptop. My laptop is about a hundred years old and may as well be steam-powered.
  10. I don’t own acrylic Muji drawers to store my make-up in, or candles by Jo Malone or Diptyque, or a Michael Kors watch.
  11. I’ve never been in a Sephora (or understood what the fuss is about).
  12. I don’t own things specifically to use as photograph ‘props’. Or any marble backing.
  13. I’m not on first name terms with my postman because of all the parcels I get. I don’t think I’ve even seen my postman…
  14. I don’t have adorably photogenic pets or children to decorate my posts or Instagram with. Or any pets or children at all.
  15. I’ve never bought almond butter, coconut oil or chia seeds, even though everyone else on Instagram seems to.
  16. I usually forget to take my camera out with me.
  17. I don’t actually think it’s a disaster if I go out somewhere and don’t photograph it. Some stuff is just for real life.
  18. I have every intention of taking part in blogger Twitter chats, but then always forget about them and don’t do it.
  19. I do own a DSLR but I don’t have a 50mm lens for it. I’m still using the lens it came with.
  20. I hardly ever comment on other blogs. I actually do feel bad about this one, and I’m trying to do better!

Alright, make me feel better, guys. Anyone else a blogger failure?